Filthy Limericks

Michelangelo's statue of David,
Has a body that many have crave'd
But getting a bone
For a guy made of stone
Is something that's really deprave'd

Every horse has a really big phallus
But they're twenty times larger in Dallas
When a horse walks around
Its dick drags on the ground
Until it develops a callous

Renee's giant breasts wouldn't let her
Fit into a regular sweater
So she cut two big holes
For her large areole's
And then after that she felt better.

At first Jack was weak in the knees
When he had an affair with Louise
He was filled with desire
And his heart was afire
But now it just burns when he pees.

Mr. Dimple was destined for porn
He was blessed with a fourteen inch horn
Though the ladies would quake
When he unrolled his snake
He would say, "That's the way I was born!"

A magician who thought he was slick
Went up to an innocent chick
He said, "Baby, come here,
Watch my dick disappear."
She thought that was an excellent trick.

You know that I'd bet my last nickel
That the long arctic winters are fickle
So a polar bear's hair
Is the thickest down there
So he doesn't end up with a dick-sicle.

The large hairless scrotum of Davey
Was quite a surprise for his lady
It gave her a start
When his legs came apart
Cause she thought he was having a baby

I know of this lady, Lucille
Who has twenty-nine boobies to feel
Plus, her mouth is replaced
By a twat on her face
So I guess you could say she's ideal

In Virgina a lot of the misters
Will have intercourse with their sisters
They believe if a man
Goes outside of his clan
That his penis may break out in blisters

Bill's sweetheart was late getting in
And she wore a small secretive grin
Then he put in his thumb
And pulled out a plumb
And cried, "Darling, where have you been?"

Each morning Mike's wife always begs
That he go down and lick 'tween her legs
But he doesn't mind
He says yes every time
He prefers it to bacon and eggs.

Mort met a girl who was shrewish
She ran off when their love was still newish
He didn't realize
She abhorred his small size
He thought it was cause he was Jewish.