Over the course of your life you become different things to different people.  You're not a Good Person or a Bad Person.  You are your actions at any given time.  You are an instrument of karma, maybe. This age of social media has perverted the ego even further beyond how perverted it already was.  Every person sees himself as being primary, as being The Center.  The bigger picture gets obscured when you focus on yourself as Main Character.  Think about how you have been a catalyst in the lives of others.  I have been cruel to others and hurt them, but I have been loving too and have helped some people.  A lot of times I have played a bit part or had some slight influence on another person's life for better or worse.  Isn't that just as important as being a protagonist?  Maybe it's more important in a way.  

When I went crazy back in high school the people with whom I had brief interactions--a receptionist, a cashier, a person passing on the street--glowed with a sort of holiness.  They became angels to me, or devils.  I saw them as guides and tempters, deities who were continuously putting me to the test.  

I'm not really crazy anymore (?), but it's interesting to think about all the roles we play in the lives of others.  How many times are we unaware that we have saved somebody or edged them closer to despair? I have to get my head out of the Internet circle jerk and really take this to heart.  I'm just a strand in a web. When I interact with another--let it be with love and gentleness, because my role as a bit player in so many other people's lives might count for way more, in the end, than what who I think I am as the star of the show. 

Ram Dass said, "Treat every person you meet as if he were God in drag." That is a new mantra.  I have been overcome lately by a feeling of relief.  A relief in letting the old idea of how important I was dissolve and fall away.  I listen to people's accounts of Near Death Experiences on YouTube every night and play Dr. Mario and they are all so similar.  They talk about a life review and feeling the pain you caused others as your own pain, and the joy and comfort you caused others as your own joy and comfort.  I feel I've always suspected that's how it would be.  That you'd have to balance the books this way in the end.  

They all say they feel enveloped by love, they don't feel frightened and they don't feel alone.  I hope it's real, I hope it's real, I hope it's real.